Hardest days in my life right now

Its weekend.. and this is the hardest part in my life right now. I remember all the happy moments that i had with him in the weekends. Its hard to be alone in this lonely weekends. Were i am missing the most wonderful man in my life. Everyday in my life, hes in my mind. Every night when its all dark i cried. I cant still let him go in my heart. Its not that easy.

The hardest part of loving someone is to know when to let go...and that's what i am feeling right now. I really have a hard feelings inside my heart.

I had dream about him last night. Seeing his eyes staring at me. Smilling at me. Those eyes with sparks. I really miss those eyes staring at me. I googled what does it means dreaming about your ex. And i think the meaning is true. That i still have feeling for him and we still have unfinished problems to solve or to talk about for me to totally move forward in my life. I find it true. Because we really dont have any personal break up. And maybe that is why i cant still move on. Because we need to talk. But what should i do if he doesn't want to talk or see me? I know and feel that he already moved on. And had forgotten already his feelings for me. I hope sooner or later, i will be able to move on and forget whatever feelings do i have for him.

Still the same -__-

Days continue to flies by..so fast. You cant even notice that its already time for dinner. Days goes by as people continue to grow. Days goes by and i cant still move on. Still doing the same thing over and over again. Thinking of him most of the time. Missing him terribly bad and so on.. But that's life, whether i like it or not..it has to move on and continue to reach the next day.

Hmm...dont want to be too sentimental again here.. i am just making myself even more missed him..

I got a present from my family here where I am working with ^__^ they've been to new york and came home this morning. I really like the simple present that i got from them. Its really cute and fragrance ;-) I received a ring made of blue small beads and with some crystals.. its really cute..


This is really cute, isn't it?? ^__^ i really love this one.. and its in my favorite colour too. I think i must find something to fit on this one.. maybe an earrings or a bracelet.. what do you think?? ^__^


And also this one.. Body lotion from Elizabeth Arden ^__^ i really love the smell of this one too.. hahaha.. and with the ring in my finger.. hehehe ^__^ I am really glad to received this two cute items from New York.. and very thankful too.. ^__^

At least, even in just some moments, i had forgotten about him.. Can't still stop myself from crying over him. I still loved him. Nothing compares to him.. really nothing..

Sunday Confession

Sunday was over again. Not that interesting day for me either. Just been home most of the day. Listening to the radio, blogging, eating, sleeping and talking to friends online. Not also been out to go bicycling. In short, been being lazy all day. And just missing someone.. hmm..seems like this sunday was a bit too emotional and sentimental for me -__- but its not bad. Its normal, i think.

I made spring rolls for my dinner ^__^ but i had forgotten to take a picture to post it here.. because im too hungry and just ate it right after i had cooked it. I actually burned my tongue a little bit.. hahaha... Aside from being too emotional today, i've done dancing to put him out of my mind for a while. But well, its only for a while...when, i started sitting again here in my keyboard i also started to think about him. And started crying again... hmmm..(erase, erase, erase) Its really hard to mend a broken heart.. hahaha.. Wounds can heal, but scars stays forever ^__^

By the way, i dreamed about a baby twice. I had wondered what does it means. So, i googled it in the net and found out that baby in dreams means "new beginning" I think that's real true. I think i really have to move forward and starts my "new beginning" But its still not that easy -__- but i can try and figure out how would i start, isn't it?

I have a lot of things to say.. have loads of feelings that wanted to come out.. but i dont know where to start.. hehehe... Maybe its better to leave this feeling like this. And let the time heal all my wounds.

Can I be a bit Emotional today??

I am feeling lonely today. I feel so depressed. I miss someone terribly. I want him back to my arms. I want to kiss and hug him once more. And its too painful knowing that it will never happen again. Knowing that makes me almost dying. I am crying right now...cant help it. Too much emotions running in me right now. How i wish i can still be with him. How i wish i can tell him how much I love him. How I wish i can tell him how much he makes me happy...how i wish..wish.. and only just a wish.....

Does anyone believes in "true love"? I do. Because that's what I am feeling for someone else. And too painful knowing that I let my true love slipped away from me. I mean, i did not "just" let him slipped away from me. I did my best to keep him. I did everything and anything I can for him to stay. But he still went away. I dont want to let him do that, but if setting him free would makes him happy i would be glad to set him free even though its almost killing me. They say, if you love someone set him free. But setting him free doesn't mean you dont love him. But because you love him so much for wanting him to be happy. He said, I am really such a nice girl. He also said, I am a perfect and great girlfriend. But why he still went away from me if that's true, isn't it?? Its been almost 2 months since that painful goodbyes. But still feels like it happens few hours ago. That's how hard i am suffering right now. But I am doing anything to keep my mind busy for something else. But when I am feeling alone like this, right now, can't help but to cry over and over again. Mostly, in the middle of the night. Where everything is very peaceful and quite. I am also quitely crying in my bed and thinking of him. Crying because I am terribly missing him so much. Everything that we've shared together. The laughters, sweetness, cuddling, funny jokes, driving somewhere, great talks, pillow fighting, dancing together, watching movies, eating chocolates, window shopping, hearing him snorring sometimes, everything. But the most memorable was waking up in the morning seeing the first person who means a lot to me. Hearing him saying "i love you so much" that's the most wonderful words i ever heard. Makes my heart skip a beat. Makes my whole world turn into the most wonderful and perfect world. In short, makes me the most happiest woman in the world. But suddenly, i woke up that everything is not perfect. Its only a dream. A dream that I had wish its not only a dream. A dream that I had hoped I wouldn't be awake forever. But i did. Now, im really awake and its really a dream. A really nice and wonderful dream from before.

If the words "i love you" was the most wonderful words I ever heard, what about knowing that hedont love you anymore?? What about that?? That's the most painful one. A very painful one.

I have to accept it and move on no matter what. But i really love him. I really do. He's my true love.. and its not that easy to forget your true love. Maybe never.

Shopping ^__^

Its Saturday today ^__^ and im a bit feeling sad o__O hahah.. I started my day really late. I woke up late and lay down in my bed for many hours before i got up. And i got a late breakfast. Well, actually, its Brunch (breakfast and lunch)..hahaha.. I went shopping and buy some food for this weekend. I went there using my bicycle ^__^ so, i got a little exercise too ^__^ After that shopping, I went out to meet my step sister in Oslo City. I arrived early than expected time. But well, she's late "filipino time" -__- (sigh) I must admit, i am also have this "filipino time" before.. But since that i am not in my country at all..i have to or must to be on the time, unless, i have a very important reason why am i late and so on.. by the way, i filipino time = late...hahaha.. that's a usual filipino expression though -__-

But well, while i am waiting for my step sister who was only about almost an hour late, I went window shopping until I realise that i have to buy a winter boots for myself..which was a bit expensive. But i must have a pair of winter boots because i dont have any now..i mean, i still have one pair but its too old. Dont want to use it anymore...my old winter boots want to resign now..hahaha..

So, i bought a pair and spend my money..hahah.. but i dont have any regrets buying it though. It makes me feel a bit happy. As i said im a bit sad today..and when i feel really sad, that's terribly bad o__O because i would really buy something that would makes me a bit happy. Even though its expensive. As long as i really like it...hahaha.. Had i told you that im a bit shopaholic?? Well, for a little bit more information about me, I am a shopaholic ^__^ I love jeans, shoes, bags, hats, eye shades, and not so much on topps..hahaha.. ^__^

And aside from being a bit sad today, I am also a bit irritated -__- with my step sister. Aside from coming really late, we also haven't talked that much. She just been with me not longer than 15mins. Imagine that???? o__O We've just met because she needs to gave me some stuffs from my mum. And also to gave her a jeans. We've just hug, talked a little bit, hug again then, left o__O

But anyway, the day was over. So, i came home really hungry. I planed to make spring rolls and rice for my dinner. But since i am a bit tired and really hungry I just ate a small pizza for "emergency"... hahaha .. But i might make some spring rolls for tomorrow instead ^__^

A tiring day -__-

I started my day with a cup coffee and a slice of bread. Most of us start our day with a hot cup of coffee same as me ^__^ but its not my routine every morning though. I just need to have a strong cup of coffee to wipe away my tiredness. I haven't got enough sleep last night. I slept before 3am and woke up before 6.30am. That's really a very small sleep. But that's ok. I get used to it. I can always take a nap in the aftenoon after my job. But not this day. Im awake until now. And not feeling any tired. But my stomach was full.. hahaha.. I ate a lot of waffles for dinner ^__^
Waffles and a glass of orange juice...mmmm... yummy.. hehehe.. while listening to Rnb musics ^__^ I like to eat at my kitchen where I can see my favorite view from the veranda. Well, its not really a special view. But at least, i have something to look at.

That's the veranda from where i am sitting while eating my waffles, drinking orange juice and listening to RnB musics ^__^ I can only see the cars and busses running from the street. And the roof top from our neighbors. And also some lovely trees..

Trees are like human. There's a time where you will see them almost dying. No leaves. Wondering if they are breathing. Wondering if they can still survive from the very cold weather. Leaves are slowly falling down from the branches and so on.. Human are the same. They were sometimes feeling dying. That slowly taken theire breath away. Because of some unresolve problems. Because they were broken hearted (like me)..hehehehe... But they can still survive after the long dark rainy days. In every rains that will fall from the sky, there's always a wonderful rainbow afterwards ^__^ So, never give up like trees does. Be strong. We must learn not to give up, instead learn how to accept that this is the part of our life ^__^

I knew a Girl

I saw a girl infront of the mirror. Staring at herself. Asking too many questions. Those black eyes are the most saddiest eyes i've ever seen in my whole life. Her face was dull. She looks miserable. I ask her "what's up girl? Cheer up and smile" but she cant really cheer and smile. She had a lot of thoughts running through her head. Too much pain running her heart. Too much sorrow and loneliness. Then she said "how would i cheer up knowing that the person who can do that was out of my life now. How would i smile if the only person who knows how to make me smile is also out of my life now" I cant barely answer her..because every words that coming out in her mouth was full of pain. I can feel it too. And i feel sorry for her. Suddenly, tears fell down her cheeks. Running like a stream of water. He hug herself and say "i love him so much. I miss him so much. Why is this always happening to me? Am i really a bad person? Why..why..why?? Its too much pain. I cant barely understood why do i have to suffer in this kind of pain. I had just loved him with all my heart and soul. Do i deserved this? I had nothing to do but to love him. So, why do i have to feel this over flowing pain in my heart?"

There's nothing wrong to loved someone else. Love has never been easy to each of us. You will never know how much you love someone until you get hurt. You will never know how important that someone until he/she leaves you. Some says, love is sacrifice. You have to sacrifice your happiness for him/her to be happy.

The girl i saw infront of the mirror was willing to sacrifice her happiness for his happiness. That is why she set him free. Even though its killing her. She had done anything and everything she can do to keep this man back in her life. But life loves to play. I dont blame her. That only shows how much she loved him. But too much is enough. Too much is painful. She once again told to herself infront of the mirror "be strong. Its only one of those challenges that you can have. It will make you even more stronger as the days goes by. Have faith. Have hopes. Its not the end of the world. Never regret something, but learn from it. Everything happens for a reason" She wiped away her tears. But its still running down her face. Then she said again "i dont want to feel this pain again. Its too much."

You have to accept, respect, forgive, forget and move on.... that's the rule of pain in love life..

Snowy time ^__^

I haven't slept good last night -__- I slept around 2am in the morning and woke up at 6.30 to start my day working.. I would like to sleep longer, but i can do that after I had post my blog here ^__^ I am always thankful that even though i haven't get enough sleep i still have the chance to wake up strongly and ready to face the world with a smile in my face and in my heart ^__^

When i opened my window this morning i was so amazed with the snow falling from the sky. I smiled and said to myself "this is it! new life again..new hopes..and new challenges to come. Be strong and face it bravely. You can do it girl!" ^__^ then i look at myself in the mirror and say again "hmm..you dont look bad, you can get over him..move on and look on the bright sides of life"... hahaha.. ^___^ its not that easy to forget the man that makes you happy.. the man that you truly loved..but things happens and we've just have to accept, respect, forgive, forget and move on.. ^__^ right? ;-) but well, anyway... heheh

so, here comes the snow ^__^ its so lovely to look at it. It melts my heart. Wipe away my sadness and makes me thought like its still wonderful because we had given a chance to experience all this things in this world. Feel the sun in our skin in the summer time..same in spring, autumn and winter.. It always brings new hopes and challenges..

I went out and made this picture in my veranda.. I draw sun as new hopes, heart as love and star as faith.. three things that i think most important for me right now.. To have hopes that life was made for us to use in the right way...in a way were we thought is the right way to do. "Live life to the fullest".. To love all the people around us whose not getting tired to support, to care, and to love us in return..whose always be there in the times that we need them..and willing to give theire shoulder to lean on. "No man is an Island".. Have faith that there's no impossible in this world. Everything is possible if you have faith..mostly faith in our Almighty God. Keep on tyring.. Believe in the power of hope, love and faith ^__^ ......

Simply me..

I would like to tell you something about me ^__^ ... Well, its not really easy to be me compare to other girls out there. Im quiet different ^__^ everybody does. I am not "just" an ordinary girl to be exact. A little bit of weird and stranged. Like, some girls wants to have make-ups on..but not me. Even when i am attending parties and so on. I just really hate putting it. It makes my skin a little bit itchy and after some hours having it, i promise you, you will be able to see a big pimples in my face -__- not a trpical kind of girl...hahaha.. I also dont know how to swim -__- i will not be able to save my own life if ever i will be drowning..

I enjoyed reading books ^__^ eating, sleeping.. ZzzzZZzz walking, bicycling, shopping and so on.. I dont like to eat bell pepper BEFORE.. hmm.. i can tell you why I had changed my mind eating it.. are you ready?? ^___^

I had been depressed..depressed because broken hearted -__- in the whole weekend that i had been alone at home, being so sad, lonely, crying all the time and etc, i got hungry..hehe. I dont want to go out to buy my food or not in a mood to cook something for myself. Then, i found a box of pizza with a lot of bell pepper on it. I stared at the box for about maybe 5 minutes before i had decided whether i will eat it or not. But i dont have any choice at that moment but to put it in the oven and eat it afterwards..

So, the pizza was ready.. then, i started staring on it again 0__O and said "hmm..is this going to kill me if i will eat the whole pizza with red bell pepper on it?" i challenged myself and say again "if you will eat this, you want him back and you really love him, if not your really not worth his love" ... (hahaha that's proved how crazy, stranged and weird i am..isn't it?)

And then, believe me or not, it only took me almost 10minutes to eat the 1 whole pizza alone ^__^ that's really something..hahaha.. and take note, it has a lot of bell pepper on it -__- but it did not kill me though. But i actually dont remember how does it taste..hahah.. because as i said i was depressed. So, everything has no meaning for me ^__^

But now, im ok ^__^ living my life as wonderful as i can. But still not that much to love eating bell pepper. But at least, i found out that bell pepper wont kill me if i will eat it..hahah..

I am working as an Aupair and enjoying it ^__^ I love to be with other people. Learning some new things from them and etc. I like challenges new experiences. I like exploring things around me. I love snows ^__^ i know that's also weird.. most of the people here in Scandiniavian doesnt like snows..but i can understands them though. Because theire whole life was been in snows in the winter time. Not like me. I was born and lived in a very hot weather in the Philippines ^__^ so, everytime the winter coming, i am getting excited to play or to watch in it from my window or whenever i am sitting or standing. Its really great to see that the whole place was covered with the pure white snows ^__^

I have too much to say here..hahah.. I like letting other people know a different kind of person in me ^__^

I am looking forward to put or to write a brand new blogs here ^__^ puts some pictures to share it with you.. ^__^